Random thoughts, grief and dreams: one week on
July 9, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s one week since I lost Rèmy.
I woke up at 3.30am thinking ab0ut his grave. I was dreaming about the soil.
When I was shaking with fever yesterday morning, curled up in the fetal position feeling like I was going to die, I wanted to go to Rèmy’s grave. But I couldn’t see straight and couldn’t have driven. I clutched at the blanket we have kept that Rèmy was laid upon in the casket, and I felt strong.
This is a good resource for miscarriage specific grief – over the last week, my mind, body and soul has been tested to its limits.
One of the well-meaning but irritating comments I have been plagued with this week has been, your time will come – you’ll get there in the end. How do they know? Don’t they think I have hoped, prayed and wished for this? It doesn’t help. It’s well-meaning, but no one knows if this is true and therefore, don’t say it if it is not a statement based on truth.
These are just some thoughts at 4.30am. Lying awake in bed, thinking about Rèmy.