I became a hopeless drifter

October 14, 2012 § Leave a comment

When Rèmy died I played this song on repeat. I know when I’m doing well when this comes on Shuffle and I don’t cry.

But on dark days, listening to sad songs is slow torture. On dark days, I could drown in my tears. Then I imagine letting go of the tension in my body and in my mind, and visualise floating in the ocean. My tears become part of the sea and I am balanced.

I’m fighting not to become a hopeless drifter.

The grief changes. When I think ‘I miss you‘, I’m starting to think it’s more and more about missing stability… sanity, groundedness.

These are some dark days.




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